Falling

The way I see it, there are 3 ways you can end up falling.

1. Someone pushes you.

2. You trip.

3. You jump.

Lately, I've felt like I've been in a perpetual state of falling. It's my own fault, I know. I'd like to say I'm constantly being pushed by mean hateful backstabbers, but that's not true. I'd like to say it's an accidental stumble that I'll learn from but that's not true either. The truth is...I'm an all or nothing kind of person. So when I meet someone that I like, I jump and I expect them to catch me. (just some statistics here: 99.9% of the time they don't.)

I don't blindly jump either. I know these people, these situations, fairly well. I have already estimated what the outcome with be and usually I know deep down inside that it wont go anywhere and it wont end well. But there's always that .1% chance that it will work and it will end well. So that's what I hold on to.

I take a leap of faith. Sadly, I always put my faith in the wrong people. Not that leaps of faith are bad, because they're not. I mean, I'm a religious person, believing in God is purely faith and so far He's never let me down. But apparently people are not as reliable. Not at all. 


Long story short: I've fallen. Yet again. Actually, I'm still falling at this very moment. Deeper and deeper and deeper into a hole I'll have to climb out of and probably fall right back into.

The worst part is I KNOW WHAT TO DO ABOUT IT. It's so simple. All I have to do is stop. Stop doing what I'm doing and WALK AWAY. But that's the easy part. The hard part is wanting to. And despite all the stupid stupid problems jumping off the edge of this god-forsaken cliff is causing me, I don't want to stop it. I don't want to figure out a way to stop falling. And if I could go back in time and remake the decision to jump in the first place, I would.

What's wrong with me? Why do I always fall for the people who treat me like crap? Better question: why do I want to continue to be with these people? Do I like being sad?

This is probably the most useless thing I've ever written because I don't have any answers, or advice, or anything for that matter. All I have is questions, and thoughts, and feelings that I don't understand...

The Perks of Being a Wallflower

Dear friend,

"And in that moment, I swear we were infinite."

Have you ever had one of those moments? When you're with your friends and all of a sudden you have this weird almost out of body experience and you're looking down on yourself thinking, "I'm going to remember this for as long as I live." It's the ultimate feeling of being young and free, having no responsibilities, and for just one moment in time feeling  like you could live forever.

That's why I love this book.

I've heard so many people critisize The Perks of Being a Wallflower. Mostly, they talk about how Charlie was such a wimp because he cried all the time and he never knew what was going on in the world and how could he possibly be so naive and childish and so unprepared for the world?

That's what makes it so realistic.

I'll admit, most 16 year old guys aren't going to go around crying about every little thing that goes wrong, but cut Charlie some slack. He obviously has some deep rooted emotional issues that come from some things that happened to him as a kid. Thankfully, not all of us have gone through anything similar to what Charlie went through, but then again, some of us have had it much worse than he did. Which is why the brilliant author, Stephen Chbosky, wrote this:

"I think that if I ever have kids, and they are upset, I wont tell them that people are starving in China or anything like that because it wouldn't change the fact that they were upset. And even if somebody else has it much worse, that doesn't really change the fact that you have what you have."

He knew there would be people out there that would say, "Well Charlie is such a wimpy unrealistic guy character," and then when they find out that he had some bad things happen to him they would say, "Well Charlie is a character with big problems. I can't relate to that." Bullcrap. We ALL have some kind of problem, big or small. We've all felt upset, sad, lonely, we've all had those days when we've wanted to just cry about everything, but maybe we're just better at holding it in than Charlie. The point is, it doesn't matter. We all have what we have. Good or bad.

The most realistic part comes from Charlie's naivety. Entering high school and throughout high school, we're all pretty darn stupid. We talk about things we don't know about and we say things we don't mean. Just because we might know a term does not mean we know what it means. That's the thing. Everyone thinks they're so darn cool that they wont admit that they're just as lost and confused as Charlie. Charlie doesn't think he's cool so he doesn't have that problem. He actually has something most of us lack, complete honesty.

The second reason why people are so critical of this book is because of its subject matter. No, you wouldn't want your ten year old sister to read it. But for the age group it's targeted at (which is uh, by the way, adults) it's not inappropriate. Because the subject matter deals with teenagers, they're the ones who have been reading it the most. Still, the subjects it deals with is nothing we haven't seen on the most recent season of Degrassi. Of course, it was on the list of books that should be banned a few years back for anti-family, drugs, homosexuality, offensive language, religious viewpoint, sexually explicit, suicide, unsuited to age group

Okay there. Anti-family? Um, no Charlie's family isn't perfect. But he loves his family. And his family sticks together through all of their difficult situations. And ultimately, that's what helps them all keep going. Drugs? So what Charlie smokes cigarettes and pot and takes LSD and has hallucinations. I was aware of all of that before I read this book. Like I said, Degrassi. Or that little thing called the real world that we all live in. Homosexuality? So his friend is gay and has a gay relationship. YES GAY PEOPLE EXIST. They explore homosexuality and the confusion that many high school kids feel about that topic. I don't see the problem. Offensive language? Are they for real? Most kids probably hear that same language in their own houses and if not there at school every day. Or even walking down an aisle in WalMart for heaven's sake. I'm not even going to get into religious viewpoint because the book didn't, it was not sexually explicit, and suicide is not a new concept to me.

My point is, this book covers just about every thing you struggle with as a young adult. We see it through the eyes of Charlie, who is just trying to figure it all out like the rest of us. That's why it gets through to us. Because we all feel like Charlie sometimes. Lost. Friendless. Alone. Sad. Confused. In love. Stupid. When I was reading, all I did was feel and understand. I cried and laughed and cried again. And felt some more.

Especially when it came to Charlie's love for Sam. He says over and over how he didn't want to love her like he did. He tried not to love her. But he just couldn't help what he felt. And that poem he read for Patrick at the Secret Santa Party. And his friend Michael committing suicide. And his sister having so many bad boyfriends all the time. And Charlie kissing Sam instead of Mary Elizabeth. And his recounting of when his family watched the last episode of MASH together. Oh my goodness, it's too much.

If you haven't read this book yet, you should. Just so you can feel and understand like I did and like so many other people did. I was going to end this blog post with my favorite quotes/thoughts/paragraphs from the book, but the list got too long and I've decided to make another post entirely devoted to that because it's just that good.

Now if only the movie was coming to a select theater near me. *sigh* That's what I get for living in the South.

Love always,
Leah

Back to School: So Much To Do, So Little Time

So I took a summertime blogging hiatus. I just, ya know, wanted to become one with nature and spend more time outdoors and away from screens. And I personally felt like this blog was something I needed to reflect on for a while and...

JK. It was totally not intentional. My goal was to write at least one blog post a month for a year. AT LEAST! And here I am in September, three months since the last time I wrote anything for my blog. It's not entirely my fault though! A million amazing things have happened this summer (choir tour with Crossflame, vacationing at Tybee Island, visiting my best friend Beca in Virginia among them) and I didn't seem to have any time to do anything else.

Alright, that's another lie. I had pleeeenty of time for Facebook and YouTube and all day marathons of Gossip Girl and Lost. And then when a blog idea popped into my mind I was too tired or on to something else or going to see a movie or working. Time just flew by this past summer and I did NOT have a very good handle on it.

But now, as school has been in session for about 3 weeks now, and the rest of the normal public schoolers starter this week after Labor Day, everyone has one thing on their minds: time management. Calendars, schedule books, alarms, spreadsheets, whatever it takes for you to get done what you need to get done when it needs to get done. And it's just September. This crazy scheduling will continue until May or June, depending on your school.  So here's five tips on how to efficiently manage your time this school year, without going completely insane.

1. Get a house calendar in a central location.
This is especially important if you don't have your license yet. Have all of your activities and the activities of everyone in the house up on the calendar with times and locations. Doctor's appointments, work schedules, sports practice, choir rehearsals, birthday parties, important school events, etc. This way, at any given time, you can glance at the a calendar and know who's doing what/where/and when. If you can drive yourself places, it's still a good idea just to know where the rest of your family's going to be. If you don't have a car, it's a necessity to have the family calendar so you can plan your stuff around other people's availability.

2. Create a homework schedule.
Write down homework due dates, exam dates, and project dates. Try to plan out on a day to day basis when you're going to work on each one of these things. For example, my CIS homework is due tomorrow, so I'm going to finish that today rather than work on Western Civ. which is due on Sunday. I'll work on that, as well as my literature reaction papers, tomorrow and Saturday. MAKE SURE if you have a project due, you're making time to work on it a little bit every day. One of the worst things to do is to see a due date that's a month off and say, "I've got plenty of time!" And then have to write a 15 page research paper and a 30 slide PowerPoint presentation in one day. For exams, study the way that works best for you. But make sure you study! If studying for you is cramming the night before, then go for it! But you have to do something. Not going over the material at all before a big test is a huge mistake.

3. Go to sleep and get up at regular times every night and morning. 
This is the hardest one for me. Teenagers actually require MORE sleep than old people: 8 to 9 hours per night! So with me having to get up at 6:30 on school days, that would mean I SHOULD go to bed around 10 o' clock every night! Now you and me both know that's not going to happen (getting a TV in my room was probably the worst thing that ever happened to my sleep patterns.) BUT, I've been forcing myself to have the TV off by 12 on school nights, even if that means I can only watch one episode of Supernatural...

My nightly argument with myself:
"But Dean is so cute!"
"You'll regret it in the morning!"
"How could I ever regret watching THAT FACE?!"

Also, do NOT hit snooze on your alarm and fall asleep again! I put my alarm all the way across the room so I'm forced to get up and turn it off, and then by that time I've seen the light and I'm starting to morph back into my awake, conscious self.

4. Prioritize. 
My mom's always saying that school is more important than my job. And it is, it is... It's just that, if it came down to it I would hate having to give up making money. But on the other hand, it's a fast food job. I'm taking college courses. If I fail all of those, I might never make it any farther than a cashier, which is NOT where I want to  spend the rest of my working life. Same things go for friends. I know socializing and parties and movies and hanging out is fun, but if you're not getting school work done, that has to go too! It makes it so much easier if you just prioritize to begin with, then you'll probably never have the problem of having to give up your job or your friend time.

5. Make time for relaxation. 
Stress isn't gonna help you get anything done. So if that means taking a break from the books to go get a cup of coffee and a doughnut, do it. If that means reading a book you want to read instead of re-reading the same pages of The Iguana Tree and comprehending none of it, do it. If that means watching Charlieissocoollike and his adorable antics on YouTube for a while, do it! Take a hot shower, sing, play the piano, do yoga, whatever you like to do and whatever calms you down, do it.

And maybe when you're meditating in the lotus position, you'll realize there are enough hours in the day after all.

The SAT: A Student is Not a Test Score

Imagine that you’ve gotten pretty good grades all through high school, you know what you’d like to do as a career, and you know what college you want to attend. Then you go take the SAT. You don’t do all that well on it; in fact your score is just about average. The college you had been planning on attending wants to see your score, so you send it to them. That test score is going to be considered alongside or possibly before all your high school grades, community service hours, and admissions essays.
Suddenly, that one test score could determine whether or not you get into the school of your dreams. This is the reality for many young adults just coming out of high school. It is a ridiculous amount of significance to put on one test, especially considering the scores that you make on a test can differ from day to day. Test scores are not completely accurate for many reasons, and that is why SAT scores should not be the deciding factor when it comes to college admissions.

What is the SAT?

The SAT is something any high school senior knows about well. During your sophomore or junior year, you’ve probably taken the PSAT (the preparatory version of the SAT) at least once, looking over all the study guides and practice tests you can get your hands on, and researching all the tips and tricks for playing the odds right when it comes to the multiple choice questions. All of this is to prepare for that 3 hour and 45 minute monster of a test most everyone takes right before they graduate.
The SAT covers the following main subjects: critical reading, mathematics, and writing. The test presents three types of questions: fill-in, multiple choice, and essay.  What’s the point exactly?  According to the College Board, “The SAT has helped millions of students connect with college success and today remains the most reliable, effective measure of a student's college readiness.” If you score well on the SAT, chances are colleges will come back to your application before they’ll take another look at the student who performed a bit lower. SAT scores are also looked at when determining whether a student should receive an academic scholarship. 

The Case for Considering SAT Scores

As with all “high stakes” tests, there is considerable controversy around whether or not the SAT should be important when applying to schools. Most colleges in the United States and all Ivy League schools make it a requirement to take the SAT or a test like it. Basically, schools like to see it because it’s considered an un-biased way to compare one student to another, and a way to predict whether or not a student will succeed in college. As stated on the SAT Scores website, “Such test scores are valuable to universities as they provide an unbiased way of ranking a student’s performance compared to other applicants. Unlike your GPA, which may depend on the difficulty of your course load or the standards of your high school, SAT scores are directly comparable across students from different parts of the country.”
David Z. Hambrick, an associate professor of psychology at Michigan State University, considers the SAT a good measure of general intelligence, especially since the average gains that come from SAT preparation courses are minimal. Hambrick’s answer to the SAT validity question was straight to the point. “This debate is ultimately about intelligence and its modifiability — and the question of whether it is fair to use people’s scores on what is essentially an intelligence test to make decisions that profoundly affect their lives. If that makes us all uncomfortable, that’s just too bad.”

Why SAT Scores Are Faulty

Realistically though, we all know what goes on when some people go to take a test. Your heart is pounding, your palms are sweaty, you’ve developed a nervous tic, and your head is swimming with all the information you’ve tried cramming into it over the past 24 hours. When you sit down at that table and the timer starts, it’s safe to say that most of us are not exactly at our most intelligent. That is why the SAT is not a good judge of intelligence or preparedness for college. There are so many reasons why a test could go wrong. Maybe you’ve got a lot on your mind, you’re tired, you’re hungry, you’re extremely stressed out, or you’re just not a good test taker.
John Katzman, president and founder of the Princeton Review (an SAT prep course company), supports this view. “The SAT is a scam. It has been around for 50 years. It has never measured anything. And it continues to measure nothing. Does it measure intelligence? No. Does it predict college grades? No. Does it tell you how much you learned in high school? No. Does it predict life happiness or life success in any measure? No.”
He goes on to explain that he has found that it comes down to test taking strategies, and whether or not you test well. “There's a certain idiom to the test. There's a certain way they ask questions. There's a certain way to create wrong answers. And if you're good at that idiom, then you're going to do well on testing in general. Some people can't take tests, because they don't speak that language.”
The kids who don’t speak the test-taking language can spend the majority of their high school years fretting so much over acing the SAT that they let their school grades slip. Instead of studying for Math or English, they pour over test-taking booklets trying to learn ways to score high even when they don’t know the answers.
Some kids get so distressed that they turn to cheating. Recently, Sam Eshaghoff, a college student with the amazing talent to consistently score high on the SAT, was arrested for taking the test for other people. People were willing to pay him thousands of dollars for, as Eshaghoff put it, “saving their lives.”  In a 60 Minutes segment that aired this past January, one of the correspondents, Allison Stewart, asked what he meant by that. “I mean a kid who…no matter how much he studies is gonna totally bomb this test, by giving him an amazing score, I totally give him this like, a new lease on life. He's gonna go to a totally new college, he's gonna be bound for a totally new career and a totally new path in life.”

One Score Should Not Decide Your Future

Standardized tests like the SAT may have been created for a noble purpose, to make admissions to colleges more fair, equal, and objective, but they are not living up to what they were intended to be. Admissions boards often turn away low-scoring students full of potential while they admit high-scoring student who are completely uninitiated. More often than not, kids are being kept and discouraged from pursuing their college and career dreams because of one bad score on one test, and that should not be the case. All colleges should make tests like the SAT optional for admission, and look more at a student’s previous coursework, extracurricular activities, volunteer time, and other accomplishments when determining whether or not a student should be admitted into the university. Colleges should look at the SAT scores, and then throw them away because when it comes to the big picture, they mean next to nothing.

Life Comes At You Fast

The past month has been a whirlwind of one thing after another.

First of all, I got a job. After months and months of searching, I got one call back from...McDonald's. I was a little skeptical at first because I had heard so many bad things about working there from so many people but once I got started, I realized it wasn't so bad. There are busy times, there are slow times. There are rude customers, there are nice customers. There are good days, and there are bad days. All I've done so far is the register. It's not hard, I know the layout of the menu now and I'm pretty fast at making change if I do say so myself. Oh, and I know how to make ice cream cones and McFlurry's and milkshakes and etc. The best day had to be when I got my first paycheck. I really don't think I stopped smiling from McDonald's to the bank and then all the way home again. In fact, the very next day I went shopping and splurged waaay more than I ever have before. Having money is a nice feeling.

Secondly, my bestest friend in the world Beca came to visit me. She stayed for an entire week and we did a bunch of stuff. We went to Elevation, out to eat, to the movies (OCTOBER BABY!!!!!!!!), to the mall, to Newton for a photoshoot, not to mention the 6 billion romantic comedies we watched at home and the large amounts of junk food we consumed. She also came to school and work we me (told you she was a good friend.) The week she stayed for felt like two seconds. One second she was here, and the next she was back on the train to Virginia and we probably wont see each other again until the summer. But that's okay, it's not like we've ever gone TWO YEARS without seeing each other before or anything...It's great that our parents finally consider us old enough to travel alone and stay at other people's houses.

And lastly, SCHOOL IS ALMOST OVER!!! It almost feels like yesterday that I started the semester at CVCC and now final exams are next week. I'll finally be able to read books just for fun again!!! Apparently though, someone decided we couldn't end the school year without one final campus evacuation. The second one this year! The first time was January 18th, my first week at school. Someone was spotted on the east campus with a gun (supposedly) and both campuses were put on lockdown. Which means huddling in the corner with the lights off and the door locked for 3 hours as you hear sirens, helicopters, and police officers running by in the hallway. Eventually the SWAT teams burst in with their enormous guns and escorted us to the activity buses which then evacuated us to Skateland (our super secret safe location right down the street which everyone knows about.) So yeah, that was the first incident which made national news! They never caught the "gunman." Better safe than sorry I guess. Now today, about 3 months later, I was just sitting in the west wing when a lady came and alerted everyone that we were having a mandatory campus-wide evacuation, and classes were cancelled for the rest of the day. Since I didn't have a car to evacuate with, I followed the high school students to the east wing where we were locked in classrooms and (quickly this time) taken in the activity buses to Skateland. No SWAT teams or huddling in the dark, but that's ok with me! Still, it's funny that there were two incidents this semester, both on days I happened to be on campus. That's just my luck...I wonder how many more there will be next year! CVCC seems like quite a dangerous place! I mean I never hear about this happening at other community colleges!

I guess my whole point here is...time flies whether or not you're really having fun. I mean, look how different things are now than a month ago. Or two months ago. Or a year ago! So far 2012 seems to be the year of change for me. I can't wait to see what the summer will bring. ^_^

Happy Hunger Games!

To begin with, I'd like to point out that I read The Hunger Games BEFORE it was cool. Like so early on that I had to wait for Catching Fire and Mockingjay to be published before I could read them. Alas, this happens to most good books right before they become movies. They hype gets so freakishly insane that people don't even know what they're so hyped about. Look at everyone who has been screaming and camping out and buying all the movie tickets. I guarantee you half of them (if not more) have never read the books, have no idea what the story is (beside the little bits and pieces you see on the commercials), but are so caught up by how excited everyone is they spend their money anyway. But I am not like most of the original Hunger Games fans. I'm really glad that this has become a sensation because the story is GREAT. If this is what it takes for most people to hear it, then so be it.

Now...I'm going to gush about the movie. I just got home from the theater and I need to talk about this somewhere. If you haven't read the books or seen the movie yet, you may not want to read any further.

Let me start by simply saying, it was INCREDIBLE. Never have I seen a recent movie so brilliantly acted, directed, filmed, scripted, everything was amazing. (And it was kinda cool you could recognize that it was filmed in NC.) So much work was put into making this perfect. No offense to Twilight and Harry Potter fans out there but those movies don't even compare in my mind. Sure, those were epic, this...this was in a category all of it's own. I hear Jennifer Lawrence is being praised like crazy for her performance and that this is gonna break all kinds of pre-sale and box office records!! And for good reason!

From the beginning of the movie, I was crying my eyes out. The reaping scene has been played so many times on TV already that I thought it would have lost its effect, but it didn't. Not at all. I cried when Gale took Prim away, when Katniss volunteered, when they called Peeta's name, and when Gale and her mom visited her before they took her to the Capitol. I was worried before I saw the movie that all of the pre-game stuff in the Capitol would be sacrificed to make the time spent in the arena longer, but I shouldn't have been. They showed the interviews, her fire costume, Cinna, Effie, Haymitch, and just enough back story to keep those who hadn't read the books in the loop still. There's nothing I hate more than a movie that doesn't stand on its own.

For all those adults out there blabbing on and on about how violent it is: get over it. We've ALL seen much more violent movies than this already. It's not even close to a horror or a slasher film in terms of blood and gore. And yeah, it's a violent story! 24 kids are thrown into an arena together and told that only one can come out alive! What do you expect? But don't worry, they show just enough violence for you to grit your teeth and jump a few times and get how crazy it is that these kids have to really kill each other.

The most emotionally draining part of the movie and the book for me was the scene where Rue dies. It really is a beautiful scene. Katniss sings to her just like she sang to Prim as Rue slowly drifts off peacefully in Katniss' arms. Then she surrounds Rue's body with flowers and salutes the camera, and riots start in District 11. I was sobbing the whole time, and I absolutely HATED the Capitol and President Snow and the Gamemakers. It's moments like that that bring you into the movie and make you capable of understanding the emotions that you're seeing on the screen.

Surprisingly, I am now an even stronger more fangirlish member of Team Peeta then ever before! I assumed that because Liam Hemsworth is gorgeous I would prefer Gale, but Josh Hutcherson's portrayal of Peeta made my love for Peeta and Josh grow in extreme amounts. Katniss and Peeta only got ONE KISS!!!!!! One kiss in the entire movie!!!!!!! I felt cheated. But maybe this way their scenes together in the next movie will be even more intense and amazing and romantic. (I need to brush up on my Catching Fire...is there a lot of Peeta/Katniss togetherness? I don't remember...)

The one thing that did disappoint me was the finale of The Games when the muttations came out. In the books, they were supposed to pretty much be the Tributes who had died in animal form. Like Katniss could recognize Rue and all the rest in the faces of the mutts. But for some reason, they decided to make them look like big dogs. That was all. It made that last part so much less horrible then it was in the book. But hey, I can't complain. They could've completely butchered the movie as they so often do. So one little disappointment is nothing. I am completely satisfied.

Now enough of this ridiculousness that the next movie's not coming out for over a year! At least if you're gonna make us wait that long, bring this one to DVD sooner! I feel like going out, buying all the Hunger Games merchandise I can find, scoring a bootleg copy of the movie, and kidnapping Josh Hutcherson, then staying in my room until Catching Fire comes out. Actually, I could do without all of it except the Josh part. I would like him very much. ^_^

Anyway, now that I've seen it, who else has? Did you go to the midnight premiere? Were you disappointed by anything at all? Is there a part that you absolutely adored?

And for the rest of you who are trying desperately to find out if there are any showings left tonight that haven't sold out yet..."May the odds be ever in your favor."

Generation Lost: So Original It's Mainstream

                
  (Because having a HOW TO GUIDE to something doesn't make it mainstream at all...)

What original is: Preceding all others in time; first. or, not derived from something else; fresh and unusual. aka being your individual unique self.

What original is not: wearing two different earrings, thick dorky looking glasses, and bright colored clothing that does not match for the sole purpose of looking "different."

What that is: STUPID.

If every person waking up in the morning knew this and dressed accordingly, the world would be a better place.

It seems to me that nowadays everyone has this crazy need to be "original." Especially in the way you dress. They want to look exactly the opposite of what mainstream society looks like. They're the cool kids, the rebels, the hipsters, whatever the heck you want to call them. They're "Above the Influence" and all that. They're supposedly independent thinkers who go against our cultures norms and expectations.

Now in theory, that sounds great! These are the kind of people who are helping this lost generation find its way right? Wrong. These are the people that are taking this generation deeper and deeper into the dark forest of confusion from which it may never return.

I have to admit though, the hipsters entertain me. I looked up the definition of the word on Urban Dictionary and found a lengthy one, probably written by a self-proclaimed hipster.

"Although "hipsterism" is really a state of mind,it is also often intertwined with distinct fashion sensibilities. Hipsters reject the culturally-ignorant attitudes of mainstream consumers, and are often be seen wearing vintage and thrift store inspired fashions, tight-fitting jeans, old-school sneakers, and sometimes thick rimmed glasses."

Ok, so the first step to becoming a hipster is simply declaring yourself a hipster. And then comes their "distinct" fashion sense which I see has been summed up nicely in one sentence. Most hipsters dress exactly the same. Seems very fresh, unusual, and DIFFERENT.

"The "effortless cool" urban bohemian look of a hipster is exemplified in Urban Outfitters and American Apparel ads which cater towards the hipster demographic."

Wow. You mean you can dress like a hipster by shopping in two extremely mainstream stores? That's so very original! Because what I buy at Urban Outfitters is going against mainstream society! Who are they kidding? Hipsters are NOT a counterculture. They are a very BIG part of our culture! Looking like a hipster is so IN! But somehow, all the stores that sell this clothing manage to convince the stupid teenagers of the world that by shopping at American Apparel you're being original! Oh and who could forget all those attitudes and accessories you need to have that are listed up at the time in the how to be hipster guide! By acting the same as about a million other homeless looking "individuals" you're really sticking it to the man!

And then there are those who try so hard to be original that they throw together these strange outfits that look like they belong in some kind of circus act and call that "cool." Wearing one pink sock, one green sock, a skirt, a strangely patterned shirt, a scarf, and a pair of old ballet shoes, doesn't make you cool. It makes you look like a 3 year old playing dress up.

It drives. me. crazy. Everyone is so busy trying to be original, that they become mainstream. Once again, society has managed to get to us through advertisements and TV shows with an even more clever than usual way for us to become all alike. And we're so darn lost about everything that we don't even notice it! They could tell us never brushing your hair was crazy and original, we'd all stop doing it, all become the same, not see it, and look like a bunch of crazy idiotic savages. (...apparently grungy looking hair IS a part of the hipster look. I rest my case...)

Here's a thought: wear what you like. Who cares if it's something that's high fashion in Hollywood right now, who cares if it's not! Don't be influenced by what's going on around you. Be yourself. That's what being original really is. Looking how you want to look despite what others think. Not dressing in a certain way because you're trying to prove something.

Generation Lost: The Sex Obsession

Ahh...the high school years. The time of your life when you're supposed to make tons of friends and have the best of times doing fun things you'll remember for the rest of your life. Somehow, it's not exactly everything I dreamed it would be. On TV, teenagers always go on these wild adventures with their friends that in the end, bring them into adulthood and full on maturity (and funnily enough never have any real consequences or negative repercussions.) In real life, it's not anything close. It seems like the only thing kids my age do these days is talk about having/actually have sex with their "boyfriends" or "girlfriends." And I'm tired of it!

I don't want to sit down with a group of friends (Gosh...ever since Facebook we use that term really loosely don't we?) and have a conversation about sex! #1: Most of us have never even had sex...so what are you talking about?! #2: Even if you have, it's pretty clear you weren't mature enough or you wouldn't be telling the whole world. #3: I simply don't see the need to talk about it...what exactly is so interesting? We all know that it exists. Why must we make stupid perverse jokes about something none of us should be doing?

And why is it so uncool to be a virgin? I've seen guys who shook their heads vehemently and denied it over and over and over again, when they were asked. Then their guy friends slap them on the back and congratulate them and ask them questions like, "How was it?" Same thing with girls. I heard a bunch of them sitting around a table once asking one another, "Are you a virgin?" One raised her eyebrows and winked, "Well I'd say I'm half a virgin." Giggles all around. "Oooh what does that mean?" She winked again. "Sorry, I don't kiss and tell." Then some other girl who had been quiet this whole time worked up the nerve to say, "Well, if you're half then I must only be 1/4 a virgin." And suddenly all the attention was on her whatever knowledge she must have in store. One-quarter virgin? What the heck does that mean? You either are or you aren't!

I guess at one time, it would have been horrible for people to find out that you fooled around with a member of the opposite sex without being married to them. But now, everyone wears their fornication like a badge of honor. Guys AND girls. Of course, guys still throw around the words "slut" and "whore" but not for the type of girls who actually deserve those names. No, that's reserved for the nice girls out there who won't give it up so easily. They see it as, "What? You won't have sex with me even though every single other girl I know has?  Whore..." 

It makes sense though. Everywhere we look we're bombarded with sex. Watching a PG-13 movie? There's a sex scene. Watching a network TV show? There's a slightly less explicit sex scene. Watching commercials? Well there's plenty of those for lingerie and perfumes/colognes that somehow always end up with men and women in suggestive poses. Just glancing at the cover of Seventeen Magazine? Sex advice from real teens! It's all so glamorized. Even 16 and Pregnant and Teen Mom shows what will happen if you're not careful. They don't try to send the message of abstinence, they just say don't make the same mistakes as these girls and use protection. They also call that "respecting yourself." It's ridiculous. But like I said, it makes sense. After going through your whole life with sex thrown at you every second of the day, of course you end up talking about it with your friends. It just seems like the thing to do.

But it doesn't have to be! There are so many other things to talk about, so many other things to be doing besides sex. Especially as teens, we have no real responsibilities so why do we try to change that? We'll be adults soon enough, then we'll do whatever we want and deal with the consequences. But why now would we risk pregnancy and STDs and emotional scarring. Every single consequence of sex is something you will carry with you for the rest of your life. Why not wait until you're ready? Until you're married?

Peer pressure is a very real thing, I know. However, it can be overcome! Start with ending those conversations about sex, even if that means hanging around with different people. Don't pretend like you understand or agree with something you don't. Tell people when you're uncomfortable and ask them to stop! Make sure people know your stance on the issue, because believe it or not, everyone's NOT doing it! And then simply talk about something else. If we who believe this way try harder to stop this problem, maybe obsession with sex wont have to be yet another bad thing our generation is known for. 

Ahh the high school years...the time of your life when you're constantly around people you don't like in places you don't want to be getting involved in things you're not ready for and don't understand...

Adventures in Job Hunting

All day yesterday I was out looking for a job. It's cool because I'm 16 now so I know that when I apply for one I actually have a chance of getting it. Kinda. You see, the applications are like totally designed to make you as a teenager look like a totally undesirable employee. There's this whole section on the back of the application for previous employment that usually says something like "this section must be filled out ENTIRELY." (Volunteer stuff "doesn't count.")Which is fine, if you're older and have had years of other jobs. But when you're 16 and just starting out, how are you supposed to have something to put in the previous employment box when no one will hire you? And round and round we go...

Almost every store I applied to also had a favorite phrase: "We're not hiring now, but we're always taking applications!" Always said it a way-to-cheerful voice. Translation: "You can spend half an hour filling this out but we're just going to throw it away anyway!" The most annoying part is, all the teenage jobs have been taken by adults due to the decrease in job availability I suppose. Nowadays, you walk into a McDonald's and you see 50 year olds behind the counter. You walk into Hollister and you see some old lady rearranged clothes on the rack. Come on...in teen clothing stores ESPECIALLY the employees are supposed to add to the appeal of the brand! And a 40 year old wearing clothes from Hot Topic does the exact opposite. It is what it is I guess.

Anyway, I finally found a store in the mall that was hiring, and the lady gave me an application to go fill out and bring it back. Of course, neither me nor my dad had a pen on us, so we set out on a quest to find a store that sold one. I suggested the dollar store on the lower level. We went down the escalator and into the store. The first thing that warned me away from this place was the smell. It stunk...like nothing identifiable. That was the worst part. The shelves were half bare and on this one place along the wall there were bags of strange foreign food (probably where the smell was coming from.) Eventually we found the pens. They were right where you would expect them to be! Next to the cleaning stuff and across from the weird smelling food. I approached the counter and after a few minutes I discerned that the woman was saying it cost a dollar ten.

I paid and sat down in a chair right across from the dollar store. I opened the pack of ten pens and clicked the first one. I wrote my name in the first box and...the pen ran out of ink. I stared at it for a second, scribbled on the back of one of my applications, and still nothing. I thought maybe it was just one bad pen so I took out the next one and filled in my birthday. Then THAT pen ran out of ink. Ten pens later, only about half of the application was done. I brought the pens over to my dad and he opened one up. Half an inch up the tube the ink is in had been pinched. There was a minuscule amount of ink in each pen. Just enough to write a few words.

We set up a system. My dad would take the pen apart and blow inside of it and then place it on the table in a line. I would snatch the first one in the line up, write a few words, and the grab the next one. The foreign people that run the dollar store and the knockoff clothing store next door were standing out in the hallway, almost like they were mocking us. They could clearly see our plight. This is probably their favorite part of owning that store. They cant make any money off it (because everything they sell is crap) so they like to watch unsuspecting people buy a product, try to use it, and then start to cry because it quickly breaks or stops working or self-destructs in their hands. I would never buy anything from their clothing store after this experience. It's probably designed to randomly tear itself apart after a few minutes of wearing it. I'm sure the bottoms of the purses randomly fall out and the shoes dissolve as soon as they come in contact with water. Or hot pavement. All I know is, the mall must be doing pretty bad for them to be able to rent a store there.

Finally, like an hour later, I finished the ONE application. I scooped up the broken pens, imagined throwing the sorry remains in their faces, but instead just dropped them in the trash. I didn't even get my dollar's worth.
By the end of the day, I completed 4 applications. Hopefully I'll get a call soon! Then I'd be able to rent a space in the mall and quickly put those evil dollar store owners out of business...muahahaha.

5 Ways To Survive Valentines Day While Single

1. Avoid Facebook, Twitter, and other social networking sites. Unless you want to see all your friends who are dating smother each others walls and statuses with "I love yous"....or unless you want to see all your single friends constantly whine about how this day makes them feel depressed and alone and blah blah blah...

2. Eat chocolate. It doesn't matter if you're on a diet, or if you have to go out and buy it for yourself. Eat it, it will make you feel better. And don't get the cheap stuff either. Reaally treat yourself. (And if you don't like chocolate, go buy ice cream or something. Actually, even if you DO like chocolate go buy ice cream. That plus the chocolate will be like double happyness.)

3. Watch a Nicholas Sparks movie! Yes, with yourself. Or better yet, with a girl friend. Watching Channing Tatum, Ryan Gosling, or Liam Hemsworth will make you realize one thing: if you're not gonna spend Valentines Day with a guy like that, then you're better off alone until you find one.

4. Express yourself. If you're feeling a little sad, don't keep it bottled up and cry alone or whatever. Talk to your girl friends about it! No one understands what you're going through better than they do. Or draw a picture that explains your emotions. Or write a story or a diary entry or a blog post. But please, please, PLEASE keep it private. Don't write all over Facebook about how lonely you are (not to be mean or anything, but it's pathetic.) And if you talk to a friend about it, talk on the phone, or in person, or over private message! Not on a wall post or something that every single person you know can see.

5. Forget about it! You've been single up until this point anyway...so what's the difference if you're single on Valentines Day? It's just another day that's been extremely commercialized so that places like Hallmark and all the giant teddy bear factories of the world can make a gazillion dollars. Just live it like you would any other day. Keep yourself busy, do school, or work, or watch a couple episodes of your favorite sitcom (FRIENDS!) and before you know it, the day will be over, and you wont have anything to worry about for a whole other year. PHEW!

Anyway, I hope everyone has a good Valentine/Single Awareness/Just Another Day Day! <3
Oh yeah... if you'd like, let me know YOUR tips and tricks for surviving Valentines Day while single in the comment box place below!

Generation Lost: I'd Rather Be Beautiful

A friend of mine recently explained to me the difference between a "hot" girl and a "pretty" girl.

"She's hot." He said, pointing out a tall, thin girl in our class who dressed like she was from some Hollywood fashion show. "She has that body...ya know, she could be a model. But her face isn't particularly...pretty or anything."

"But don't models have to be pretty?" I asked, which he responded to with one of the most condescending looks I've ever seen.

I should have known. It's fairly obvious that, to be hot, you could be faceless and brainless too and the guy wouldn't even care. All you need is that "perfect" body that most guys desire.

I know that this isn't a particularly new concept or anything, I'm sure this has been going on years and years before I was even born. But what is new is the extent to which it's being taken to in society today. Girls and women are under constant pressure from every direction to lose weight so they can achieve that ideal body, which according to ANAD (National Association of Anorexia Nervosa and Associated Disorders) is possessed naturally by only 5% of American females. TV shows, ads, magazines, and people are all telling the other 95% that they're supposed to spend most of their time dieting, exercising like crazy, and doing whatever it takes to be like the 5%. That's ridiculous!

Now obesity is a growing problem in this country and some people do need to diet and lose weight to maintain their health. But we're not even talking about that! We're talking about girls wanting to get surgeries to alter their bodies. We're talking about girls starting all the way back in 1st grade who are so influenced by TV and magazines that they want to be thinner. 1st grade. Do you realize how insane that is? My little sister Anna is in 1st grade and I can't even imagine her thinking about stuff like that at this age. No wonder women are so much more likely than men to develop eating disorders. If you're thinking about you and your body this way from the time you're 7 years old, that will definitely influence you throughout the rest of your life.

I don't see anything wrong with exercising and eating healthy. But if you're a healthy teenage girl, you should not be obsessed with losing weight and changing your body because people have said mean things to you or so you can get a boyfriend who's only interested in "hot" girls! People are not worth it, and a guy who thinks like that is not worth it. And I know how it feels to be teased about your weight. When I was 10 probably until I was 12 I was a little on the fat side. I got made fun of by lots of kids my age about it too. But it never affected me in such a way that I was driven to not eating or purging or obsessively managing my weight. I did end up losing a lot of that extra weight anyway, and I still don't have that body!

Don't get me wrong, it's not like I don't wish I did from time to time. That's how society has affected our generation. It's like built into your brain or something, "Your worth is determined by the way you look." But you have to be able to look past that and realize that you are worth SO much more than that. Especially as a woman, you have to believe that you don't have to be a supermodel to get places in life. I mean, look at Oprah! She's one of the most influential, rich, powerful women in the world, and she's not thin. Because that. Doesn't. Matter.

So what I'm about to so is so cliche and overdone that you will probably roll your eyes BUT...what each and every girl needs to remember is that she is beautiful. Beautiful is not hot. Beautiful is not pretty. Beautiful is what you are inside and what you become on the outside. If you are a confident, happy, nice, good person I guarantee you people will look at you (guys and girls) and know that you are beautiful. Of course, there are always those who will hate on you. That's unavoidable no matter what you look like. But it's your attitude toward them that matters. Forget about what people say. (Okay, extremely corny moment is OVER.)

After that conversation with my friend, I couldn't help thinking back to that "hot" girl he had pointed out. Sure, plenty of guys probably look at her all the time and call her that. But is that necessarily a good thing? Think about it: she has tons of guys lusting over her body, calling her unpretty, and completely ignoring the fact that she is a person with a personality and a mind. Wow. I think...I'd rather be beautiful.

Generation Lost

So I was scrolling down my news feed on Facebook when I came across this video. At first, I laughed. It's funny how people could answer these simple questions in such stupid ways right? A few minutes after the video was over, as the content of it started to sink it, the funniness wore off just a little. And then a lot. I realized that this illustrates something that I had been thinking about quite often - I am increasingly embarrassed to be associated with this generation.

That wasn't the first time. I was struck in quite the same way a few days ago. I was sitting at a table surrounded by my peers. I wasn't really involved in the conversation, I was just listening, trying to get to know everyone before I jumped in. But as I started to listen more and more, I kind of wished that I hadn't. The topics of conversation were appalling to me! From just plain stupid, to just plain disgusting, it was clear that I wasn't going to be fitting in well with this group. 

And don't get me wrong, I'm a teenager, I can be just as stupid, and I'm sure I have been on many occasions, and will be on many more to come. I'm not trying to say that I'm necessarily "better" than these other people. But it sure seems to me like I'm the only one who sees it! I find myself in those situations whenever I'm around people my age. Sometimes, I look around me, and I just KNOW that there is no way in this world that I could even even pretend to act like these people do. Seriously, it takes some real talent to consistently remain at that level of stupidity!

This is our generation. We have a fixation with Hollywood, the Internet, and all aspects of life that aren't real. We don't pay attention in school, we don't seem to have any interest in things that will help us get ahead in life, and we go from day to day running around like a chicken without its head. (Keep in mind I'm using "we" as a generalization. I realize that not every single teenager is like this.) In my opinion, we are the generation that has no identity, no sense of direction, and sadly, no bright future. Videos like the above "Lunch Scholars" do a good job of destroying whatever hope there might have been.

Think about it. What has my generation as a whole begun to accomplish that the generation before us hasn't. Hmm...we can use the computer for social networking, hours of useless YouTube watching, and pointless time wasting websites like Tumblr and Stumble Upon. We know how to use the DVR to record TV shows so we never have to miss them. We know how to send 160 character text messages in under a minute. We know how to get cheat codes to unlock things in video games. We know which cast member of 16 and Pregnant just broke up with her boyfriend. Ohh, and we know how to use video cameras to record ourselves singing covers of other people's songs.

Basically, we have a million and one more tools than any generation before us, and the majority does nothing with them. Why? Because we're lost. No one knows who they are so we end up spending most of our young adulthood drifting from group to group, trying to fit in and "discover ourselves." Sometimes we do find where we belong and we settle down there, lacking the motivation to move and start the process all over again. Otherwise, we never find where we belong, don't have the strength to handle it, and spend the rest of our time being unsatisfied social outcasts. I blame the media for constantly bombarding us with tons of content we weren't prepared to handle.

Really, I believe that the exposure we have to all this stuff has made us a little psychotic, and confused, which in most cases, leads to stupidity. Oh, of course, we all have the power to overcome, but most of us don't. We don't feel like it. We're either comfortable or just lazy. Adults pretend not to understand us, so we greatly lack direction. We are Generation Lost.

It's depressing and frustrating. There is a light at the end of the tunnel though. As hard as it may be to believe, there are some people out there who do know what they're doing, and do have a good head on their shoulders. Hopefully, these are the people that will end up in power when our time comes. Hopefully. Until then, those of us who realize what is going on should stand up and fight against what is going on. Make our way to the top. Don't fit in because it's easy. Don't pretend to be stupid because that's what's expected of you. Don't be one of the lost. Being an individual is exactly what our generation is not expecting. Right now, the best thing you can do is to just be YOU.

"You must be the change you wish to see in the world." ~ Gandhi

The Future

                                               

Today is one of those days when I can read Ecclesiastes and be like..."Word."

You know?

When you feel like there's no point. When you feel like you have all these plans and you have no way to put them into action when you feel like going around grumbling to yourself and the world,

"Vanity of vanities. All is vanity."

Maybe the reason I feel this way is because it's a new year, I'm 16, and I want things to start changing already. I think I know what I want to do with my life. I've always been interested in writing, and recently I've developed an interest in scriptwriting and film. I've even made a short documentary with my sister Sarah which we entered into a contest (we didn't even place). Nevertheless, I still enjoy doing it immensely and want to pursue it as a career.

I'm sure there are others at the same point as I am. That place where you want to start distinguishing yourself from others by coming up with a portfolio so amazing that no college would turn you down. In my case, I'm striving to come up with an amazing story. Something that no one's ever seen before. And then the feeling of discouragement quickly descends on me when I realize,

"The thing that hath been, it is that which shall be; and that which is done is that which shall be done: and there is no new thing under the sun." (Ecclesiastes 1:9)

Then the questions and fears start flooding you mind. "How in the world can I possibly stick out?!?"
"Is there even a point in trying?"

This is the age where you're supposed to start planning for your future, and let's face it. Sometimes it just seems so futile. I mean, the world is a crazy place. The future is a crazy concept. Everything seems so hard and sometimes even impossible. I mean what would be the difference if you just sat around for the rest of your life doing nothing right? What if you never even tried? It would be easier that's for sure. Especially since,

"As it happeneth to the fool, so it happeneth even to me; and why was I then more wise? Then I said in my heart, that this also is vanity. For there is no remembrance of the wise more than of the fool for ever; seeing that which now is in the days to come shall all be forgotten. And how dieth the wise man? as the fool." (Ecclesiastes 2:15-17)

We all have those moments when we ask ourselves, "What's so wrong about being the fool, huh?"

That's when I have to step back and remember what's wrong about that. God has a plan for my life. It might not be what I'm planning for myself, but there's definitely a reason why I'm here. And if I just stop stressing so much and stop worrying and just do what's right, everything's going to work out exactly how it's supposed to.

But then I get impatient! Why can't it happen now? Why do I feel so stuck? Why is there nothing going on in my life? So I have to realize (again) that everything happens not when I think it should, but in His time.

"To every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven:
A time to be born, and a time to die; a time to plant, and a time to pluck up that which is planted;
A time to kill, and a time to heal; a time to break down, and a time to build up;
A time to weep, and a time to laugh; a time to mourn, and a time to dance;

A time to cast away stones, and a time to gather stones together; a time to embrace, and a time to refrain from embracing;
A time to get, and a time to lose; a time to keep, and a time to cast away;

A time to rend, and a time to sew; a time to keep silence, and a time to speak;

A time to love, and a time to hate; a time of war, and a time of peace." (Ecclesiastes 3:1-8)

So I need to be patient, and wait, and enjoy being a teenager with little responsibilities. That doesn't mean I should stop planning for the future, it just means that I should chill out a little bit and let things happen. However, that doesn't mean I should just do whatever I want because I'm a kid and this is the "time to make mistakes" or whatever either.

"Rejoice, O young man, in thy youth; and let thy heart cheer thee in the days of thy youth, and walk in the ways of thine heart, and in the sight of thine eyes: but know thou, that for all these things God will bring thee into judgment." (Ecclesiastes 11:9)

I suppose the whole point is without God, all is vanity. So on those days when we feel like there's no point and we should give up, we need to realize God is the purpose in this life, and the life after. With Him, our future is sure. With Him we don't have to worry because we are totally taken care of.

So next time you feel like "All is vanity and vexation of spirit", read the book of Ecclesiastes from beginning to end. Read it as many times as you need to to understand that God. Has. A. Plan.

Word.