Generation Lost: The Sex Obsession

Ahh...the high school years. The time of your life when you're supposed to make tons of friends and have the best of times doing fun things you'll remember for the rest of your life. Somehow, it's not exactly everything I dreamed it would be. On TV, teenagers always go on these wild adventures with their friends that in the end, bring them into adulthood and full on maturity (and funnily enough never have any real consequences or negative repercussions.) In real life, it's not anything close. It seems like the only thing kids my age do these days is talk about having/actually have sex with their "boyfriends" or "girlfriends." And I'm tired of it!

I don't want to sit down with a group of friends (Gosh...ever since Facebook we use that term really loosely don't we?) and have a conversation about sex! #1: Most of us have never even had sex...so what are you talking about?! #2: Even if you have, it's pretty clear you weren't mature enough or you wouldn't be telling the whole world. #3: I simply don't see the need to talk about it...what exactly is so interesting? We all know that it exists. Why must we make stupid perverse jokes about something none of us should be doing?

And why is it so uncool to be a virgin? I've seen guys who shook their heads vehemently and denied it over and over and over again, when they were asked. Then their guy friends slap them on the back and congratulate them and ask them questions like, "How was it?" Same thing with girls. I heard a bunch of them sitting around a table once asking one another, "Are you a virgin?" One raised her eyebrows and winked, "Well I'd say I'm half a virgin." Giggles all around. "Oooh what does that mean?" She winked again. "Sorry, I don't kiss and tell." Then some other girl who had been quiet this whole time worked up the nerve to say, "Well, if you're half then I must only be 1/4 a virgin." And suddenly all the attention was on her whatever knowledge she must have in store. One-quarter virgin? What the heck does that mean? You either are or you aren't!

I guess at one time, it would have been horrible for people to find out that you fooled around with a member of the opposite sex without being married to them. But now, everyone wears their fornication like a badge of honor. Guys AND girls. Of course, guys still throw around the words "slut" and "whore" but not for the type of girls who actually deserve those names. No, that's reserved for the nice girls out there who won't give it up so easily. They see it as, "What? You won't have sex with me even though every single other girl I know has?  Whore..." 

It makes sense though. Everywhere we look we're bombarded with sex. Watching a PG-13 movie? There's a sex scene. Watching a network TV show? There's a slightly less explicit sex scene. Watching commercials? Well there's plenty of those for lingerie and perfumes/colognes that somehow always end up with men and women in suggestive poses. Just glancing at the cover of Seventeen Magazine? Sex advice from real teens! It's all so glamorized. Even 16 and Pregnant and Teen Mom shows what will happen if you're not careful. They don't try to send the message of abstinence, they just say don't make the same mistakes as these girls and use protection. They also call that "respecting yourself." It's ridiculous. But like I said, it makes sense. After going through your whole life with sex thrown at you every second of the day, of course you end up talking about it with your friends. It just seems like the thing to do.

But it doesn't have to be! There are so many other things to talk about, so many other things to be doing besides sex. Especially as teens, we have no real responsibilities so why do we try to change that? We'll be adults soon enough, then we'll do whatever we want and deal with the consequences. But why now would we risk pregnancy and STDs and emotional scarring. Every single consequence of sex is something you will carry with you for the rest of your life. Why not wait until you're ready? Until you're married?

Peer pressure is a very real thing, I know. However, it can be overcome! Start with ending those conversations about sex, even if that means hanging around with different people. Don't pretend like you understand or agree with something you don't. Tell people when you're uncomfortable and ask them to stop! Make sure people know your stance on the issue, because believe it or not, everyone's NOT doing it! And then simply talk about something else. If we who believe this way try harder to stop this problem, maybe obsession with sex wont have to be yet another bad thing our generation is known for. 

Ahh the high school years...the time of your life when you're constantly around people you don't like in places you don't want to be getting involved in things you're not ready for and don't understand...

Generation Lost: I'd Rather Be Beautiful

A friend of mine recently explained to me the difference between a "hot" girl and a "pretty" girl.

"She's hot." He said, pointing out a tall, thin girl in our class who dressed like she was from some Hollywood fashion show. "She has that body...ya know, she could be a model. But her face isn't particularly...pretty or anything."

"But don't models have to be pretty?" I asked, which he responded to with one of the most condescending looks I've ever seen.

I should have known. It's fairly obvious that, to be hot, you could be faceless and brainless too and the guy wouldn't even care. All you need is that "perfect" body that most guys desire.

I know that this isn't a particularly new concept or anything, I'm sure this has been going on years and years before I was even born. But what is new is the extent to which it's being taken to in society today. Girls and women are under constant pressure from every direction to lose weight so they can achieve that ideal body, which according to ANAD (National Association of Anorexia Nervosa and Associated Disorders) is possessed naturally by only 5% of American females. TV shows, ads, magazines, and people are all telling the other 95% that they're supposed to spend most of their time dieting, exercising like crazy, and doing whatever it takes to be like the 5%. That's ridiculous!

Now obesity is a growing problem in this country and some people do need to diet and lose weight to maintain their health. But we're not even talking about that! We're talking about girls wanting to get surgeries to alter their bodies. We're talking about girls starting all the way back in 1st grade who are so influenced by TV and magazines that they want to be thinner. 1st grade. Do you realize how insane that is? My little sister Anna is in 1st grade and I can't even imagine her thinking about stuff like that at this age. No wonder women are so much more likely than men to develop eating disorders. If you're thinking about you and your body this way from the time you're 7 years old, that will definitely influence you throughout the rest of your life.

I don't see anything wrong with exercising and eating healthy. But if you're a healthy teenage girl, you should not be obsessed with losing weight and changing your body because people have said mean things to you or so you can get a boyfriend who's only interested in "hot" girls! People are not worth it, and a guy who thinks like that is not worth it. And I know how it feels to be teased about your weight. When I was 10 probably until I was 12 I was a little on the fat side. I got made fun of by lots of kids my age about it too. But it never affected me in such a way that I was driven to not eating or purging or obsessively managing my weight. I did end up losing a lot of that extra weight anyway, and I still don't have that body!

Don't get me wrong, it's not like I don't wish I did from time to time. That's how society has affected our generation. It's like built into your brain or something, "Your worth is determined by the way you look." But you have to be able to look past that and realize that you are worth SO much more than that. Especially as a woman, you have to believe that you don't have to be a supermodel to get places in life. I mean, look at Oprah! She's one of the most influential, rich, powerful women in the world, and she's not thin. Because that. Doesn't. Matter.

So what I'm about to so is so cliche and overdone that you will probably roll your eyes BUT...what each and every girl needs to remember is that she is beautiful. Beautiful is not hot. Beautiful is not pretty. Beautiful is what you are inside and what you become on the outside. If you are a confident, happy, nice, good person I guarantee you people will look at you (guys and girls) and know that you are beautiful. Of course, there are always those who will hate on you. That's unavoidable no matter what you look like. But it's your attitude toward them that matters. Forget about what people say. (Okay, extremely corny moment is OVER.)

After that conversation with my friend, I couldn't help thinking back to that "hot" girl he had pointed out. Sure, plenty of guys probably look at her all the time and call her that. But is that necessarily a good thing? Think about it: she has tons of guys lusting over her body, calling her unpretty, and completely ignoring the fact that she is a person with a personality and a mind. Wow. I think...I'd rather be beautiful.